Crafty giving (and bad puns - the result of hanging out with my family)

So, another year of celebrating the birth of our lord and savior with compulsory gift giving has come and gone. I was down at my grandma's house in California for the holiday and, as my grandma constantly reminded everyone, "We don't celebrate Christmas because we don't believe in all that Christian stuff. We celebrate a gift giving, family loving holiday." Then she promptly sacrificed two goats and a human baby. Sigh, if only.

There was a lot of talk of death as my grandpa is 96 and within the last year has really slipped away from us mentally. He's still stubborn and kinda snarky, but now he can't do anything for himself except mess with his electric recliner (which, if you don't watch him, he will tip himself out of). It's hard watching my grandpa, who was once one of the smartest people I knew, just sit in his chair all day and sleep for the most part (he can't even read anymore, which was pretty much his life). The trip wasn't really depressing though. I helped go through some of grandpa's old books and papers. Among other things I found some hilarious scientology literature (apparently scientology kinda started in my grandparents' back shed where a lot of the old school science fiction fans used to meet and put together fanzines).

I made gifts for everyone (using 'made' in the loosest sense of the word because some of the gifts are yet to be made). Making gifts isn't as cheap as it used to be when I was five and could glue a shitload of glitter to a piece of paper and call it good.

Below are a sample of the gifts that took some effort and most of a week to complete.

Mom's concertina




Aunt and Uncle's concertinas


I love the concertina binding because it only takes about a half hour (not counting drying time) to make each book. The two above took a little longer because I made my own book cloth for the covers.

Grandma's Pamphlet



And Zay's portfolio


Unfortunately I never took a picture of the finished portfolio, but it turned out as well as I expected (especially considering I did it guerrilla style - that's right, I didn't need no stinking pattern)(not that there is really any comparison between being a guerrilla and making irregularly formed gifts for people).

I made my grampa some small pillows that I have no pictures of as I finished them on Christmas Eve.

I still have two gifts to complete: a cloth book and a trinket/coin box. Yay! Fabric, baubles and Enviro Tech polymer!

Is it really almost New Year's again? Huh, I have no clue what I'm going to do for New Year's Eve - and thinking about New Year's resolutions makes my head hurt.

Snow Maddness

Here's the quaint story of how I went innertubing and found out that someone I know is a psycho killer.

The day started out fine, I was so excited to be going innertubing.


Tom was dubious.


He was walking funny that day.


There were signs

but we ignored them.

We inner-tubed our little hearts out for an hour or two, frollicking and discovering the wonders of nature (like snowmen with pine cone penises). All seemed to be going well.

Then Tom snapped.
It might have been something the inner-tube said about him behind his back

Or purely how annoying I was being


Anyway, he lost it and chased us out into the woods like a maniac with angry honey bees in his pants.


One friend got away, but two of us were not so lucky.

We were loaded onto a stolen inner-tube and dragged away.






Our bodies were never found.



FIN

It's been a long week

What have I been doing for the last week? Stuffing my face (with turkey and sushi), rollerskating, hiding from the world and having minor crises. All in a week's work.

Last Monday a few of us went out for my friend Shauna's birthday and had a sushi/assorted fried Japanese food feast at the sushi place on Gladstone. The waiter corrected me when I ordered an Ichiban. When I said Ichiban, he looked at me with raised eyebrows and asked, 'Kirin?' I looked side to side uncertainly and said, 'Yes, Ichiban'. Maybe he just thought I was saying I'd like one and was not specifying which one I'd like (the waiter was in no way Japanese). There was also saki in a box on a plate that was very good.

Thanksgiving was good and alcohol soaked. For a while tensions ran high,

but the cranberry sauce came out beautifully


On Saturday night I went rollerskating and seriously fucked up my knee.
I now have gorgeous blue, green and purple blotches around my kneecap.


I also met another Gwen

yeah, all Gwens are pretty damn rockin'.
There was a lot of dancing going on in the parking lot outside the skating rink - then Cori had a White Snake moment

The story of our hike last weekend

Last saturday I went for a hike out by Germantown Road (which is different than the road to Germantown, I learned).


Shauna and I frollicked in the autumnal forest, making crowns of dying leaves and poking at dead slugs (I think it was dead, maybe it was just petrified that two giants with leaves in their hair were poking at it)


We thought about dressing up in historically accurate costumes and confusing people who came along the road.


I unecessarily explored river beds.


We found dime sized mushrooms


Then I got startled by something

and fled


Shauna stoically kept her bearings

until she saw something dumbfounding

and she hid behind a leaf


We finally got out of the woods and tried to go eat at a stupid vegan pirate restaurant


they were closed

The End

P.S. The Moral: I learned there are lots of fire hydrants in Portland's hiking areas


my moment of understanding with the hydrant

ariel's book

i made this for my roommate for her birthday









funny how it's not as well made as my first hardback - but it is prettier

grandma's, squirrels and chickens

last night i went to 'grandma's', this underground bar on holgate that looks like the bowels of a log cabin. it's got extensive woodcarving (including a full nativity) and fireplaces that they refuse to light. there's a restaurant upstairs that looks like it would serve a good plate of biscuits and hash-browns (and of course more woodcarving).

the best part about the place was the girl-drink drunks. they were these beefy trucker types sitting at the bar, telling each other what cheap dates they were and buying each other pina coladas and daiquiris. if that wasn't awesome enough there was karaoke, which ranged from two scenester chicks covering 'you gotta fight for your right to party' to a man belting out a traditional song of mexico.


today the squirrels and the chickens (my neighbors' feral chickens, i should mention) have escalated their hostilities to full on shit talking. this means the trees around my house are full of angry squirrel and chicken noises - i'm assuming they're talking shit. as far as i'm concerned the chickens have no right being in the trees and the squirrels are fully justified in throwing their nuts trying to make the chickens get out. hmmm, i think some people could learn from the parable of the squirrel and the chicken: don't invade and occupy a place, then get upset when nuts start getting thrown at your head.

obvious and gratuitous squirrel photo

my first hardback

This is the first book i've sewn on tapes

Innards






Outards



i made my own paste paper


more to come . . .